Every story ends with a moral, I begin mine with one – there is no battle undying faith and mental positivity cannot win.
Like every other girl, I always wanted to conceive before I turn 25 as its considered the most prevalent age as per the Indian standards. We wanted to go for an international trip before we dive in to parenthood. Everything went as per plan.
Each mother wants to do the best for their baby and that’s when I heard about the Panchakarma (in Ayurvedic medicine) a fivefold detoxification treatment involving massage, herbal therapy, and other procedures). Each massage left me relaxed and rejuvenated. I felt my body was now clean and prepared to welcome the baby.
While I did the Panchakarma the Doctor asked me to do some hormonal tests and it came out to be normal. Which was obvious good news. After all of this we were expecting pregnancy.
While I had baby planning in mind, I kept looking for suggestions and advises from my mommy friends, pregnant friends, online resources, attended some lectures too. I also started reading the Bhagwad Gita. 📖📖.
After 6 months, I attended a shibir conducted by a revolutionary. The experience was seraphic. I felt like staying back there. I was introduced to a more calm, composed, relaxed, aware and sorted version of myself.
The shibir was called ‘One Step Up’ where we were made to understand that we are souls and not the body. I learnt how to be unaffected by others behaviour and more importantly how to lose expectation that is not keep expectation.
I felt ecstatically happy as GOD had the perfect plan for me. He wanted me to become a better me before I become a mother.
My life had changed. My relationships had changed and I was completely different than what I was. I prayed. I followed sahebji.
In all these experiences, I was waiting for the baby to come. But, I think the baby was still selecting its parents but we were patiently waiting. We had faith that it would come to us at the best time.
While I say all this, I must admit I am not GOD and I had my share of days when I felt broken and disheartened.
I was disappointed each month I got my periods. It was even more disheartening to watch my husband disappointed. People very close to us whom we called friends and family only kept asking, WHEN? I answered with a typical VERY SOON.
Months passed by. I was waiting for that moment. Almost everyone around me was aware of my desire to have a baby. I was bombarded with advises and suggestions. Almost everyone asked me to visit their personal gynaecologist. I respected their opinions and advises, but filtered and kept only the once I liked. (It did not seem like a good idea to visit 10 different Gynaecologist)
Many of my friends either got pregnant or delivered a baby in this course of time while I was still ‘trying’. I was very happy for them but wanted to hold my baby, the way they held theirs. I had so much to offer my baby, so much to do for her. My mind constantly kept thinking of the different things I could do for the baby.
Some more months passed by.
I visited another Doctor I decided to trust him and have undying faith in him after I consulted him a few times. My heart was convinced that my baby would come to me under this doctors guidance after I cognised that he was a follower of my Gurudev too.
I was convinced that God has the perfect plan and my life was a happy one.
I blindly followed my doctor. Did each test he asked me to do, popped every pill he prescribed.
Since all test reports came out normal, we were expecting to conceive soon.
But some more months passed by.
I’m a very career focused person. I have always aspired to grow professionally and create my own identity. In all of these a friend who is into meditation asked me to focus on something I really desired and not both. I made up my mind and put forth my resignation. Due to some legal constraints, I couldn’t leave my job.
But where there is a will there is way. What I did now was commanded my mind and soul to quit stress about work and take it easy!
I also did a lot of meditation. Learnt several techniques. Yes, spirituality with mediation works wonders.
I heard all the positive affirmations for conceiving in my own voice every night before I slept.
It’s not that I didn’t lose my mind sometimes. I cried, I was depressed, I was low but positivity got be back.
There were days when I almost gave up. I though motherhood was not for me. But my close family and friends assured me that the best is yet to come. I thank them and love them for this. I know there were many who literally prayed for me.
There were days when we both even blamed each other. There were days when he was low and I supported him n there were days when I was low and he cheered me up.
This phase was a difficult, tough one. But I had faith, Somewhere I followed ‘The Secret’.
My arms were still waiting to hold our baby. The doctor told us, the next visit, that IUI/ IVF treatment was the only way out. I was shattered. Even with the thought of it tears started to roll down my eyes. But I explained to myself, this way or the other my baby is destined to come to me. How does it matter? Within a couple of days, I was hopeful again. I asked the doctor for a months’ time before we begin the procedure as I had some trips and a family wedding lined up.
What happened the next month, was magical. The miracle I waited for, was now reality. I skipped a period the next month and was positive on a pregnancy test.
A wait of 22 months, of convincing myself, preparing myself, fighting with myself, had now come to an end. I know women who have waited for much longer. Know there are some still waiting. But I also know we are all destined to receive the best.
I’m sure God has the best plan for you.